I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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