I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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