I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
