He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
