CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
