I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize