So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
