too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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