I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize