i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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