I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
