I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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