Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
