The maid of honor just puked.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize