Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
