I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
