Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
