So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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