If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
