i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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