I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
