So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
