I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
