Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
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