I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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