I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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