Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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