He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
