70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
