I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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