Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
