You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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