I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Randomize
