Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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