LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
