Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Verdict: uncircumcised.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
