Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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