people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
