Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
