I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
