wake up i wanna do it froggy style
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
