I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
