Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
And then he peed in my hair
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