Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
