If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
