Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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