You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize