She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize