She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
