If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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