DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
