My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
