If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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