So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
