Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
