The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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