oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
