Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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