Don't make out with my wife yet
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
