How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
