I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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