So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
