so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
