I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
