i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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