Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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