This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
