Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
